Some thoughts to consider from the Ullapool News on the Scottish Independence question:
Better Together have warned that if Scotland were to vote Yes in the forthcoming Referendum there is no automatic guarantee that the newly formed state would be entitled to any future summer.
"Whilst the decision is in the hands of the Scots to determine their future, we feel they should make an informed decision based on a full set of facts laid out clearly before them." said a patriotic Better Together spokeman from his home in Kensington. "As everyone knows, summer is an English concept and asset, and an independent Scotland would have to negotiate for any future rays of sunshine. It’s all very well for the SNP to claim that North Sea Oil will be able to warm Scottish homes through an endless and eternal perma-winter faced by such a rebellious decision as the abandon the hand that feeds them, but as we all know in a recent study (by us) it was established that oil reserves will run out approximately 7 hours after a yes result in 2014, and whilst we wish to maintain an amicable relationship within the British Isles, it would unrealistic to expect English sunbathers to subsidise treacherous Scots with summer and sunshine as they have done for the last 300 years!"
The SNP have responded by stating they fully expect a future free Scotland to be able to maintain a joint Sun-zone and actually foresee a 137% increase in sunny weather and ‘nice days’ under their proposed new Caledonian meteorological system, as outlined in the “Everything’s All White” paper published this week.
However, the SNP have also warned that if an Independent Scotland were to be denied a share of summer they would review withholding future Hogmanays to those south of the new border. Without Hogmanay, England would be unable to process future New Years and be stuck in whatever year the Act of The Union were dissolved and therefore be unable to have any birthdays, anniversaries or amusing end of the year “Best Of…” compilation TV shows playing throughout late December.
Asked for a statement of the potential clash, Scottish Secretary Alistair Carmichael whimpered and asked Rona to intervene.