- George Moore
Very true and the way in which most of us get through life. There’s wisdom in being able to accept this and be in this moment.
I’ve been quiet lately as life has been, as I’ve been putting it, ‘colourful.’ I find myself back in the world of legal matters, this time to do with estates. It’s extraordinary to me that my life, not one of criminality or of wealth it has to be said, has been replete with lawyers, legal papers and negotiations and lodgings not of accommodation but court. I’ve had a lot of work to do compiling papers, pouring over family letters and history, financial or otherwise. What has come out is just short of revelatory, the pain that’s hidden between the lines of people’s lives.
Many years ago in my final year of high school, the counsellor who in a state of exasperation with my continued out of the boxness, attempted to guide me. I took a lengthy test to define what sort of career I’d be suited to and if memory serves, lawyer came out top of the list. (The other two were editor and writer.) Perhaps there was more prediction than guidance in that exercise.
I’ve been working hard on finishing the book and have completed the first edit. I was elated with this progress, for about three hours that is, until doubt crept in. Will it be appealing to anyone? Is it too lyrical, verbose, not subtle enough, immature, and on the crucifying questions droned. I have another edit to go and hopefully, that will silence the questions.
I’ve been planning a trip to India with a friend. With everything else that’s going on, excitement came only in intervals when I stopped long enough to feel it. Still, a dream coming true is no small thing. We reached a sticking point this week when the friend was compelled to change the plan, without consultation. For a short time the kick in the stomach felt unpleasant but very quickly, I became aware of a lightness, a feeling of lifting off and soaring…. Without realising it, I’d been set free; free of obligation and anyone’s agenda. Now I’m traveling to India on my own. I’m grateful for this and the excitement has expanded, filled with possibility.
I don’t know what’s beyond the headlights but I’m really enjoying the journey.
….and yes, with a certain maturity and painfully acquired wisdom, I’m also grateful to be the odd tuft of grass in the road. Not to ‘be’ odd, but grateful to be able to be myself.
(© S. Marian, third in a series, click here for more. Taken near Achnaha and Sanna, on the western tip of the Ardnamurchan Peninsula.)
The road back. It was intensely tempting to extend my stay on Skye. It came to me driving alongside this disused road, the road I learned to drive on, that it was time to go. Of course it was a painful decision but then there was relief too, like light breaking through clouds. There is a time and place for everything and wisdom in recognising this. On Wednesday I travel back after what has been an epic adventure. Thank you to all who were part of it, and in these last days, a heartfelt thanks to J, J and N - I’m having a wonderful time.
© S. Marian. The old Sleat road and The Sound of Sleat from Ostaig, Southern Skye.
and it will spill
Keep sharpening your knife
and it will blunt
Chase after money and security
and your heart will never unclench
Care about people’s approval
and you will be their prisoner
Do your work, then step back—
the only path to serenity.
The Tao Te Ching : The book of the way (via diacritics)
I'm wary of saying, 'the only…' about anything, but this philosophy, it could tempt me into saying exactly that.