On Sunday morning, fueled with nothing but determination and a cup of tea, I started to write my first blog piece in several weeks. In half an hour I’d made a start, but start was all I was to make. The ordinary demands of six pets, two teenagers and one husband intruded but I was confident I would finish. Confidence and all other personal feelings left me when I received a phone call from the hospital; my father was demanding release, not from life but from medical incarceration.
This and other things have been the story of my life for months. I’m sharing this with you, and forgive me if it’s tedious, so that you may appreciate that you’ve been in my fleeting thoughts. At the moment, rather than possessing a strong desire to write, I crave the feeling that starts that process. I long for the mental space to let my thoughts drift, to allow creative impulses to grow, to just sit quietly and be.
Since September I’ve come through a court case where I represented myself, both of my children being violentally threatened by someone, a psychological malaise that I couldn’t seem to shake and now my father’s cancer and rapidly declining health*. I’m not asking for sympathy, many have far worse to contend with and I know that. All of this has something to do with the absence of longer text posts on my blog though.
Inbetween the activities of my day, thoughts swirl by like zephyrs. Some of the things I’d like to write about include; where memories are held, organ transplant recipients who find themselves wholly altered by/with their new organs, having developed characteristics and tastes they didn’t hold previously. Also, there is a peristent thought about what it is to live outside the box, how you are never free from the indefinable ‘norm,’ as people will continually remind you of your distance from it. I’ve been considering the people that represent our interests too, such as lawyers, doctors, teachers and how they react when we take full responsibility for ourselves or those we advocate for. These zephyr thoughts are balm to my overstimulated mind and as soon as possible, they will find themselves a place in this blog.
For now, many thanks again for your patience and I hope to be back with you fully soon.
*For those who like to know the outcome of a story, the court case ended satisfactorily. I learned much about the Canadian legal system and I acquitted myself well.
My teens have both started relationships and the ‘ex’ of one of their new partners threatened them. It was taken seriously as this person has a disturbing and violent past that has already resulted in punitive measures being applied by the police. Both my children are fine and hopefully it was a storm in a teacup.
My father is getting over a medical procedure gone wrong that resulted in emergency surgery. He’s recovering at home now, but the trauma of this and the cancer that has laid seige to his body is taking its toll.
The malaise was eventually beaten into submission, its cause a reaction to many trying events. Self prescribed strong tea every 4-6 hours, plenty of irreverent wit and the best of the BBC are keeping the demons at bay.
((For photo source, click here.)